My Dogs Do Not Have Working Thumbs

My husband and I are TV junkies. In other words, we want our shit to work.  I got a bill from my cable company that seemed several dollars more than the norm.  I checked it out and noticed that a collaboration of nature-type channels were added to our very basic line up at the time.  The cost was $7.95.  I did not order this, neither did my husband.  I knew he didn’t because he can’t even change the toilet paper roll, much less pay a bill.  That’s MY job!  So I called the company and told them that I noticed this extra charge and I would like it removed.  They nice man on the other side said, “Why is it that you want to remove the channel?  Are you not satisfied?  I kindly said, “No, I never ordered it and don’t want it.”  He said, “Uh, yes maam, you did order it.  I have a record of your number calling at 8:03am on Feb 6^th”.  I said, “Sir, I did not call and add this series of channels to my line up; it didn’t happen.”  Then he questioned me!  “Maybe someone else in your household did.”  I kindly replied back. “No, my husband won’t even order a pizza; he wouldn’t call and add channels. I also know that it wasn’t me because I am unemployed and I was sleeping at 8:03 a.m. that day,” I never woke up before 10 a.m. when I was unemployed.  I also added that the dogs couldn’t have ordered the extra channels not only because they didn’t have opposable thumbs but also because they didn’t know the number and couldn’t speak human.  He tried to remain professional, but I could tell that my sarcasm was bothering him.  It’s my specialty.  It's probably not that obvious, though.

I finally got him to cancel it but I was still going to get charged for the month that the stupid channels were on there.  I then asked to speak to the manager because ol’ boy couldn’t remove the charge totally.  After many minutes later, a manager got on the line.  I explained the situation.  He also gave me the time and date that I allegedly added the channels.  I told him I did not and he hesitated.  I finally had to put into perspective for him.  I said, “Sir?  Have you ever been accused of doing something that you didn’t do?” 

“Um, no ma’am, I haven’t”—Liar.  I told him that very thing was happening to me.  We shot the shit a little longer and he finally removed the charge.  He still didn’t believe me, though.  I know you would think that the story ends here, but it doesn’t.  The next month, I get my revised bill with the channels removed, but there was still a problem.  The  “change of service fee” of $1.99.  This made me angrier than the first incident.  Why?  Because I NEVER CHANGED MY SERVICE IN THE FIRST PLACE!  I called again to get the stupid charge taken off and finally talked to someone with a brain.  I could tell he was smiling when he was talking to me.  Damian was a gem and a fantastic customer service associate and I will always hold him close to my heart.  It wasn't about the $1.99, it was about the fact that this crappy company was trying to get me and I can't be got-en. The End.