Girl With a Coupon

As a middle-class individual, I feel excitement when there is a coupon that I will actually use due to the convenience of it.  My husband and I had just purchased our first home and we were house-poor.  We had a nice, big, empty  house but due to the closing costs, service transfer fees, and all of that jazz, we would be barely “making it” until our next paychecks.  I got a coupon in the mail for a certain sandwich shop that had a “new” sandwich that sounded pretty awesome.  I was stoked to find that it was a buy one, get one free coupon and very close to our new dwelling.  I gathered my belongings for quick road travel and headed out. 

Now, let me inform you that we have a two-story home and there is a wooden balcony and stairs coming off of the main living area (which is upstairs).  That is our primary exit.  It had rained a bit that morning and we all know that wood can be slippery when wet. 

It was 11:30am and only with the new culinary creation in mind, I scurried down the first 3 steps, and then tumbled down the remaining 10.  My last season sundress flew up and my now scratched up, bare ass was one on one with the bottom step.  Cheap flip-flops aren’t compatible with wet wood.  Thankfully, I had not broken any bones or had any life-threatening injuries.  This was a reason to be grateful since (unbeknownst to me at the time) the insurance company had inappropriately dropped me only days before.  So I brushed myself off, wiped the blood off of the back of my thigh and several parts of my not-so-helpful upper body and went on my merry way.   

I pulled into the parking lot only to be discouraged.  The “open” sign was off.   They were closed.  I got out anyway; it had begun to rain again and I was determined.  I walked up to the door and did what every other normal asshole would do and tried to open it.  Well, before I tried to open the door, I read the sign that was handwritten, obviously by a 2^nd grader.  It read “Sry 4 the inconvinence.  open at 12.”  Really?  Because your real sign says 11.  I waited.  I had a coupon! 

Some kid who was supposed to open that morning must have been out too late to wake up on time—thanks Mom and Dad for NOT showing your kid responsibility.  As I waited, people kept walking up to the door and trying to open it while reading the child’s sign.  I laughed every time someone else tried to open it.... people are so predictable.  I only tried to open the door because I just had a catastrophic experience and was semi-discombobulated.